It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
