a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
