He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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