I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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