are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
