Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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