is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
