just tell him i said nine months
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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