You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
