I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
