I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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