I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
