My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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