i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
