Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
