i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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