Define "chronic" masturbator.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
