I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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