what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
