I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
