I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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