Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
