I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i've created a new STD.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
