So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
