I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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