Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
