Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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