3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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