throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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