We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Couch. On fire.
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