So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
this just has baby written all over it
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
