Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
