i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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