i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I need a beard to bite.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
