You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
