Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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