We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
