If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
