I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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