Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just want nice things and good sex
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
