I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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