you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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