i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
