So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
