we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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