yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
