I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
