i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My ATM looks so different sober.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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