I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
