THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
