She said her name was "party"
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You smell like stripper and shame
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
me + whiskey = a bad person
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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