Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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