I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
