What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
