I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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