He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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