Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
