idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
