I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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