you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
