Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize