As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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