his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
