you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
