A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
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Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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