you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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