you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
