things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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