Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
