Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
