He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
