What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
