I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
