dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
