I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
