drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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