Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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