But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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