When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
