At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
