Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
