Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
