Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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